Monologue: August 2009

Now, I really think that the kids these days are getting cleverer than ever, cleverer than it’s necessary for their own good. I mean seriously, what is it with these kids? They are way way WAY too smart for people like me, for people from my generation. I feel old already. There is like a gazillion years between me and these kids. And I'm only talking about the school kids - from, say standard fifth even. Uff.

I have been in Kota, my home town for a while now. Though I miss Delhi and Gurgaon a lot, it is fun being with the family after a long span of 6 years. And I was living the family dream until I spent that one day with my 6 year old cousin. Was always smart for his years, this one - but I didn’t know how much until that day. I had to baby sit him for a day and I gladly agreed. Now I think that he can baby-sit me, actually, but anyway...I was to realize it later. I was told he loves his Play Station 2 and while he’s at it, he’ll not bother me too much. I only had to keep him away from his cycle (which he is also crazy about, I came to know later) and make him eat his food. Except for this, I was free to read, to go online or to listen to music. Purrrrr-fect, isn’t it? Well, no. Not at all perfect, actually. As soon as I got there and his parents left, he humiliated me with his wisdom in some bloody fighting game which he made me sit next to him and play as his opponent. Fighting game. Me. Hmph. He shouted dangerously while I was bleeding badly on the ground. Our players in the game, I mean. Mine was clumsy and slow and gawky and was highly incompetent I must say. Whoever put him as a choice in that damned game I ask!! My player was defeated and was lying on the floor untended. His, on the other hand, was flexing his muscles and was screaming in a very unacceptable voice. "You chose the better player" I said, "Obviously the idiot I got will never win against the devil you have. Cheating." He stared at me with impassive eyes and pressed some buttons and whoop!!! The game had to start again with our players reversed. I had the screaming devil while he had the clumsy slow guy. Yayyyy I thought, and .... The cousin won. Turns out that it was not the player who was slow and clumsy, but it was me. Ah yes, and incompetent. Me. I had no freaking clue what I had to do or what I was doing.

But that's not the point, you know. Winning or not winning - it was just a stupid game. What worried me was the violence in the game, the blood the weapons the screaming. Kids should not be exposed to all this. I asked him to switch it off and tried explaining to him how bad it was to fight. He didn’t listen of course.

He grabbed my iPod and scanned it completely. I though that was bad manners, no? But apparently it’s not anymore. It is perfectly okay these days. Anyway...I would like to mention here that I am quite proud of my song collection. Nothing but the best- from Hindi to hip hop, from latest pop to all time rock, from country to rap. But then there’s the cousin. He thought I'd have better taste than this. An 6 year old guy telling me I can do better in the music I listen to! I didn’t know what to say or how to tell him off. So I just stared at him. He didn’t mind it anyway. He wanted to have a round of who-can-stare-without-blinking. He won. I let him win, that is. No, really I did. I had to, because it was lunch time.

At the dining table, it was peace because he ate properly once I agreed to pretend that we are at Mc Donalds and this is a Happy Meal that we are having. As opposed to his extremely quite behavior till now, he would hardly stop talking at the dinner table. In about 15 min of lunch I learned about his interest in sports (Soccer), music (learning to play a guitar at this early age, which is goood) and kept talking to me in a very cute fashion about, well, video games, school bullies etc. He is a hyper imaginative kid, this one. He kept telling me stories (all made up at the very moment I suspect) like how he escaped from a mad guy with a gun in the park, or how he can tell what questions are going to be in his exam or how he once cycled as fast as lance Armstrong. I almost choked on my food when he wanted to know about Orkut. I mean hello! 6 years old!!

Then ladies and gentlemen, the lunch was over. He finished eating, washed his hands (I was impressed, must say), turned to me and demanded the Happy Meal Toy. What do you do in a situation like this? Poor me, I’ve never even ordered a Happy Meal from McD ever. He got angry when I didn’t have a toy and dashed to the garden where kept his cycle. I thought I'll just hold him and drag him back inside, lock him up if necessary - he's only 6 years old and is rather skinny. Wrong again. He kicked me badly and got out of control almost the moment I tried to pick him up. I think they should make his avatar in the fight game he's so fond of - the unbeatable warrior. Yukkkkk. Anyway, he went out with his red shinning bike (cycles for kids are also called 'bikes' these days, mind it), out of the gate, out of the street.

Eventually, he came back after beating up some boy in the neighborhood, and that guy’s mother came along to complain. Apparently this was not the first time he’s beaten up other kids. Thankfully my uncle and aunt returned home the very moment. I rushed home almost simultaneously - feeling low and humiliated and just plain stupid.

Kids. Someone ought to do something here.

I just hope all the other kids are not like this.

And to make up for this looooong post which is one of the rare vent-out posts from me, here are two cartoon strips about clever kids -who can be annoying at times. I love them, though. Calvin and Hobbes, I mean.