The Anti Love-Guru

That's me. Throughout my adult life - wait, throughout my entire life I've hated to have committed people about me. Serious. And whenever one of my friends got committed, I have tried my level best (and even succeeded many times) to help break up. Against their will, obviously. But who cares. Single friends are the best.

I have successfully carried out 3 breakups in school (in school imagine!), 1 in Grad, 4 in M.B.A days and 2 in the working life. Good stats, no? And believe me, all of them are happy now. Well, Happier. And most of them are still my friends. Actually 4 are still my friends. But that's a storng bond, ya know...been through thick and thin together.

Even today, I have this untamed - unstoppable part of me which unleashes itself the moment it senses the minutest of trouble in a friend's relationship. I am livid then, almost irrepressible. All the wrong thing come out of my big mouth - basically against the relationship. Dont get me wrong, I am not a slimy bitch who wants everyone to be single. Its just that if I think a friend on mine has potential of being happy and vibrant, but is being held back by a certain 'relationship', I feel bad. Pardon my limited knowledge and/or experience with relationships, but isn't it supposed to set you free, give you space and make you happy in general? Well, this seems easy said than done with people. Most of the couples I know are whiny about space issues, are pissed with commitment fears or are plain depressed because of expectations-no-expectation syndrome. So, in such a situation it is better to be out of the relationshit, right? hmph. But people think I take some kind of an evil pleasure in other people's breakups. (wicked smile) Well, this is highly untrue. And funny too. But once ppl believe something like that, it is completely impossible to convince them otherwise. Oh God. Hideous. Anyway, I stand for the cause of happyness. As in persuit of happyness. Being in some thing that takes away your peace of mind, your charm is frankly beyond me.

And since we are on the topic of anti-love guru and break-ups, here's a true story of my friend...umm....lets call him Johny Bravo (haha) who recently broke up with his girl (2 year relationship) after a lot of blame-game and name calling sessions and thus, bitterness. And no, I didnt have any role to play here. So freshly out of a long relationship, the guy didnt know what to do. I mean for god sake, for 2 years all the guy had was a 'steady relationship' (not that its a bad thing or something, just saying) - the post break-up world was new to him. He was lost. An heart broken, of course. Was even sucidal for a while. Okay I just made this up. but seriously, suddenly he had so much spare time on him, he completely freaked out. (funny!) So a bunch of smart ass friends like me, suggested lots of things for him. He liked a lot of options. Now his day is like this - 5:30 am - Yoga (Hot Yoga Teacher). 7:30am - skipping session (the guy looks so toned now..umm).10am office (drowned in work - suddenly one of the best performers). 7pm - Swimming (yes.Swimming). 9pm - party (a lot of partying. He re-discovered the joys of being single ; )).

I'd say it is pretty good, no?

Except this, nothing much happened to me.

But please dont judge me - I dont 'like' break-ups at all.

And I am no more single myself, to prove the point.

:)

On Writers

And their female fan following.

I recently met Jeffrey Archer in Landmark, Gurgaon and thus this post.

Like most of the avid readers, I am also a fan of Archer. “Kane and Able” gave me goose bumps while “The Prodigal Daughter” made me pretend like Florentyna Kane for days – Independent, ambitious and adamant. This was way way way back when I was in school though, when I was in a different world altogether. However what I still carry from that world is a desire to know a writer closely. Maybe date one. Yes. I am fascinated by writers because I assume a) they are extremely witty (which is a major turn on) b.) they are curious (which is a good thing if I dated one, if you know what I mean) and c.) they are someone I can look upto (which my friends, is the first step for me to fall for someone). But noooooo. I never knew even an ounce of a writer.  I could date none. And then I became so intimidated by those things that I found solace in this writers-are-boring-and-self centred-maniacs-who-are-insensitive-in-real-life theory.

I realized how much I still love writers when I met Jeffrey Archer. And I wondered why girls are drawn towards writers and artists so much...there were OOOOHs and AHAs all over the crowd from girls when Archer made any joke. Not to mention me and my girl group that hooted endlessly, clapped stupidly and shouted shamelessly to draw his attention towards us (and he did notice us, I think he even smiled) This interest in writers is maybe because your regular men completely lack any interest in even reading. And writers are not your ‘regular men’. I think, this can be because writers are perceived as free spirits, liberated and intellectual beings, which is a charm we ladies are not armed against. And today’s young writers have exactly the same traits.  Lets talk about a few writers I know and their female fan following I don’t know of, but will assume.

My claim to fame is I now have a few friends who are published writers and have a book or two in paperback with their names on top of it, resting casually on their coffee tables. Or carelessly on top a pile of clothes in a hostel room, in case of a special writer friend Sachin. Sorry. Sachinn (Notice the extra 'n'). Sachinn Garg of the Sunny Shady Life fame.  I met him before he was this big celebrity who is now on MTV ticker and on Radio channels and on Page Three.  Umm...Okay not on page 3 maybe, but he soon will be, he has all the tricks up his sleeves ladies. Heehee. And gentlemen too.  He showed me this amazing American Chopseuy place in a local Gurgaon market and snorted when I expressed my disbelief on how a place like that can have such yum food (This is a diehard foodie, I later realized and they come with the firm belief that detailed menu list of all restaurants and names of all the 14 year old waiters in the hidden-local-food joints around the city are casual information known to all).  Anyway, he has a lot of potential, you know, in the female fan following field. He’s witty and is thus charming. And I can safely assume he is getting a damn lot of attention these days. But I think his MBA might come in his way of the ‘follow up’ process. He is always writing some paper, or working on some case study or something equally unnecessary. Seriously. Why work up your ass to achieve something when you already are a writer? I mean he’ll sure write more books, no?

Then there is Durjoy Datta, co-author of the much talked about “Of course I love you...till I find someone better” who I know socially. Digital socially, that is. Facebook, G-talk, Orkut. He’s quite cute. My only thing was – why a co-author? That too with a girl? Uuhu. Immediate put off for teenage girls - his primary TG (going by the fact that all my cousin sisters and their friends are were discussing his book nonstop when it was released and find him oh-so-cute) He should write independently is my smart ass suggestion. His picture is still a hit in my house hold anyway. An entire book will be a major add on.

There are a few more. But don’t know if they’ll like being the subject of my theory. So lets leave them. I’ll share more gossip once I have the disclaimer on my blog right. Or maybe I’ll let my other schizophrenic self write about it explicitly. Hehe. I’ll get going now people, I’m gunning to finish “Shall we tell the President” tonight. Yes, it is a signed copy. Yay!

When I am not around....

...and I am not updating my blog, things that I might be doing:

• Having shit loads of fun in my soooooper cool life, with no time to type.
• On a vacation to some exotic place far far away from Internet and people.
• In true love with my man, whom I would have finally found, making all of you jealous or happy, depending on what kind of a person you are.
• In search of my financial stability. I think I had it at some point. Oh ya. It was when I lived with my parents. Shucks!
• Watching non stop episodes of 'Sex and the City' Season 4 and pretending to be Carrie.
• Spending all my time in never ending meetings discussing annual reviews, Next financial year plans, creative ideas or a punch line for a soap (I came up with "Soap of the future! Less water more lather"- to make a point that this soap helps save water, you know. Got rejected though)
• Reading Harry Potter (Excuse me, I love Harry Potter)
• Finding my inner self
• Finding my inner self on Facebook. Possible.
• Commenting on everyone's pictures on Facebook
• Living in dejection after Facebook got boring.
• Majorly pissed with the current state of affairs at work and thus too pissed to think of anything to write
• Learning to drive a car. Its time.
• Spending my days in some rehab. You know...
• Being a simple plain lazy-ass

One or two of the above are 

true. But what's the point of telling, you are not going to believe it anyway. The hint is the picture below.

What a weekend

'Insane' is the word I'm looking for. I almost got scared I was having so much fun, really. You know - The moment where you've exhausted your daily dose of laughter and the back of your head pains and your tummy hurts and eyes water and you want the joke to bloody end, to stop trying to laugh, but its out of your control. Exactly. (smile)

Obviously I'm going to deprive you of all the details and gossip, I need to go to sleep - tomorrow being a damn monday. But one tiny example wont hurt. To give you an idea, that is. Haha.

Example:

Dude 1: (indulged in a not-going-anywhere conversation)..hahaha...yes, true. Its something like 'you give me blood, I'll give you freedom'. Wow, what strong lines man...(goes into deep thinking)

Dude 2: Hohoho...too good dude...too good lines. "Tum Muhje khoon do, main tumhe aazadi dunga" too goood. Who said that? A.R.Rahman?

All of us: Dudeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Jai Ho!

To be or not to be....is not the question anymore

There are more important, much more confusing, oh-so-demanding and course-of-life-changing questions one needs to answer these days. Well, not 'these days' literally but days when a mid twenties, Career oriented, super-ambitious, single, confused woman has to deal with overwhelming arranged marriage scenes with her folks, with a sooooooooper bitch at work and at a generally unclear point in life. Ugh. This is so not me. But it is true. Days are over when I would pretend this was happening to someone else and that I will just get up and go back to my own happy and content life whenever I want to. Not gonna happen. Reality has finally sunk in. And it is so so so not fair. First there is the arranged marriage thing. Very recently, after numerous sad little meetings with prospective grooms and families, my childhood thought of 'arranged marriage is so much better' died and 'wish I was smart enough to get a life AND a guy' thought took over. But who else is to be blamed, but the smart ass - myself? I was the miss-know-it-all who laughed on you in school when you had your 1st boyfriend. I was the jerk who ridiculed you in college when you lost sleep over some guy and/or relationship. I was the bitch who lectured you at work about how important a career is over some stupid guy and how shortsighted you are being when you gave more importance to looowe life over a career. Laugh on me now - all of you. Because I declare here, that though being single is still the best for me, there is a time in your life when you have to have to have to get married, this way or the other. 'This way' being the love marriage way, which I so much prefer now to the 'that way' of arranged marriage. I feel like the last dinosaur man, seriously. Aaargggh!

Work is another thing. I've been lucky enough to have worked with the best people ever till now. TILL NOW. Not anymore. I don't even want to start this subject because I'm exceptionally pissed with the bitch. The fat bitch. The ugly fat bitch. The ugliest fattest bitch of the century. You get the point.

I am so disoriented I want to change my city. My relationship status and financial status seems to be going no where so I thought I'll evolve my career. ha! And the bitch too, is a tiny reason. Really, I might just kill her one day and land up in the prison with no career. I'd want to pass that situation. Plus maybe a new city will give me some direction. Or at least will take off the pressure temporarily. I'm hoping it would. Some might think of this as running away, but who cares? I can do with some running anyway to fit into the Guess top I got for my birthday. hehe

Okay end.

I'll keep you pissed. Oh, posted.

Ta!

Valentine’s Day is lame. Birthdays are not...

So this year I’ve decided to not let the lame Valentine’s Day overshadow my birthday. I’m not sure if you understand the pain of being born on 14th of February, and you never will if you are not born on the 14th of February, so just take my word for it. It is bad.

Reasons why a birthday on the V Day sucks:

• On birthdays generally only you are excited and feel special. On a birthday that is on the V Day, everyone is excited and feels special.


• Everyone is MORE excited about the love day than your birthday


• People keep cheezing you off with names like ‘Valentines Girl’, ‘love girl’, blah blah


• Random corny guys who you keep ignoring otherwise can give you flowers on this day on the pretext of birthday and you find it hard not to accept


• Everytime you get a birthday wish call, it is combined with a ‘happy Valentine’s day’ as well and you have to say ‘Same to you!’


• You cannot take your friends out because of the fear of muthalik putting you behind bars or worse, getting you married right on the streets with any random guy who has come to wish you, maybe the above mentioned flower-giver. Yuk.


• If at all you go out with friends to celebrate the birthday, say in a pub – and you are obviously dressed in your best possible (hello, it’s your birthday for chrissake) – people in that pub think you are a wannabe who is all decked up for the Valentine’s day. Cheap people.

Sigh.
So now you see?
But anyway, this year my birthday is going to be as normal as anyone else’s birthday which is not on Valentine’s Day. I had a blast last night at one of my dearest friend’s place (whose house i’m totally in love with) with a set of friends. The birthday song happened, cake happened, the cake-on-the-face happened and by the end of it I was completely high on my birthday spirit. And I got carnations. J And 2 stylish friends gave me a super sexy top from Guess which I totally adore but will be able to wear in public only after I lose like a 1000 kg of weight. And the calls that you get at 12am – they give you such an awesome on-cloud-9 feeling, no?
All in all, the birthday eve and starting was very impressive, I must admit. Lets see how the rest of the day unfolds.
I’ll sleep again for a while now and wake up fresh. You guys have fun with the e-card below!

Makeup Tips...

...not really. This is just to keep the guys away from this post. hehe. This is basically a girlie post. From me, yes, thank you. People keep telling me to get in touch with the girl in me, always. So I got in touch with the girl in me, and turns out, she is kind of a bitch. Tell you how. For starters, remember the guy things from the last post? Yes, they are still there - even increased in number. Can you imagine? Me with a guy-count. It is almost like I'm hallucinating. But no. They are really there. Ha! And I am happy managing time, scheduling coffee dates, phone calls and being extra attentive while I text these guys - don't want any cross connections. It's fun. Bitchy, huh? Why the hell was I not doing this for the past 300 years is my question. Jeez. I got to be insane to miss out on all the fun part of being a single girl in the town. On in the office. Or in the pub. You know.

So. When did all the guys become so relationship paranoid? Its funny. Then there is this other breed who only want a I-am-serious-for-you-dont-even-look-at-another-guy-but-let-not-talk-about-marriage kinda relationship. What is a normal girl like me supposed to do? So many questions. Is casual dating okay - it is okay. Can you kiss a guy casually - I really dont know :) Do you lead on a guy when you let him buy you a drink.....It is not as simple as you though. But well....anyway, the girlie part of me is ruling me these days and I'm loving it so far. :)))

The bad part is I am sleep deprived. I look so wrecked in the mornings cant tell you. So I did some research in many issues of Cosmopolitan and figured that if you apply mascara nicely with a fine kohl lining in your eyes, you don't look sleepy. Ta Da! No wonder my office people are not used to me wearing makeup and they look at me strangely - but what do they know. Duh!

Cosmopolitan should remind you that I love reading a lot and I was a compulsive book buyer(was). Besides cosmopolitan, I don't buy books these days. nu nu nu. I am a new person this new year, I told ya. No more wasting money and stacking up books for just-might-read-again-in-about-a-1000-years purpose. I discovered this amazing thing called Friends of Books. (Don't even think it is an online library. I cannot read a book on a laptop, phuleese) Here I just go to their website, select my books for the month with a stylish click and they deliver it to me in 2 days flat! I pay by cash or cheque. The net savvy duds, sorry dudes can pay online as well. The subscription plan is as reasonable as 2 books a month for Rs. 150. Quite cool, isn't it! So that explains my wild party scene. Money saved is 2 books read and 5 parties attended. Try it if you are in Delhi NCR.

Now I talk about my book here for the first time. Yay! I used to keep it a secret but cant do it any longer. Dear internet, please keep my secret safe with you and your users. Okay, I want to so much regularly write my book and complete it sooooooooooon. I am so lazy most of the times, and other times when I am not lazy, I end up rethinking about the entire plot -if I should change it altogether or not, blah blah. I am so screwed. But excuse me, do not assume no work has been done. I have figured out the most important things like the title (haha, wait till you hear it), my opening phrase, my dedication, my dress for the cover picture, my hairdresser for the photo shoot, etc. Writing it wouldn't be too hard. I just have to start.

Okay this is where I stop typing and start dressing up. Got a party, baby :) I'm meeting my back-up dream man in one hour. BTW, have you checked out the new TC in Priya? Awesome music. Go there and catch me sitting next to the DJ ;)